*WARNING~VERY LONG*
July 28, 2020 will be 1 year since Josh left for the military. We have spent almost 365 days apart. Let me tell you.. It has been the slowest, yet fastest year ever. The time we have gotten to spend together in this past year has equaled up to 3 weeks. The time leading up to Josh leaving was brutal, and the scariest thing I have ever had to face. I felt alone, heartbroken, and defeated. There was nothing I could do, except accept that Josh was going to be leaving. I remember wishing, and praying that time would just slow down. Josh and I had spent every single moment together, so the hardest challenge for me was getting used to not having my best friend around. I am not going to lie.. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I didn't want to do anything, and I honestly just felt stuck. I looked around me and watched everyones lives move on, and I just stood there. That is when I got Josh's first letter. I had this feeling of contentment and happiness overwhelm me. That is the moment everything took a huge turn. I knew that I had to change my ways, and be strong for Josh. Letters came every single Thursday. I looked forward to something again, and that is what got me through this. I fell in love with Josh all over again, and it brought us closer than a phone call ever did. I knew that him leaving was going to test our relationship tremendously, but it didn't really phase us. It made us stronger, and our relationship a whole lot brighter. 75 days later, and I was on a plane to watch him at his turning green ceremony. Those 3 days felt like a few hours. I blinked my eyes a few times and I was on a plane back home. I had started all over again, but this time it felt 300000x worse. I felt more alone than ever the day I left him. I sat on that airplane, and I felt my heart breaking into little tiny pieces. I was leaving my heart, my whole wide world in Georgia. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was just with him, holding his hands an hour ago, and it already felt like I hadn't seen him in months again. I was already on a plane back to the other side of the country, and it just didn't sit right with me. But, I knew that I couldn't go back to my old ways when he first left. I had to pick myself up, and keep going. So, I did. Those next 10 weeks, felt like years. Time was going by so slow, and it got harder and harder for me every single day. A lot of terrible things happened to having to put my dog down, and my aunt passing.. and all I wanted was to hear Josh's voice. I knew that Josh could bring me comfort, but we were still writing letters. He still didn't have his phone. So I just had to deal with it, and pray that it would get better. Not even a minute later, my phone rings. It is from a number I don't recognize. I answer it of course, and I immediately knew it was Josh by his silly giggle. I had chills all over my body, and I couldn't stop thinking that God actually heard my prayer. From that time forward, anytime I was literally at my all time low, Josh magically called and surprised me. I heard God talking to me through Josh every single time he called. After those calls, I was good again. Weeks, and weeks passed. I finally got to go pick Josh up at the airport on December 18, 2019. The feeling of contentment, safeness, and just happiness I had been searching for again, finally came to me.. In those two weeks of Joshua being home, we got married on December 23, 2019, (Which made it in the paper) we had Christmas Eve, Christmas, and lots of family time! Once again, those few weeks felt just like a few days. It went by in the blink of an eye. Saying goodbye to Josh, never got easier. It still hasn't to this day. I knew that I would see Josh in just two short weeks though, so I tried to have a positive attitude and mindset. Two weeks later, I was back on a plane to go see him!!! I got to see my cute hubby at his turning blue ceremony. I got to spend 3 short days with him. The hardest part about leaving Josh this time was that I didn't know the next time I would see him. There was always a set date I was going to see him, or he was going to come home. But this time, we had no idea what was coming next. It was easier though, because Josh had his phone now. So there was a lot more communication, phone calls, and FaceTime calls. Josh got his orders finally and it was the worst news I had ever heard. Josh got assigned to South Korea from February 10, 2020- February 11, 2021. The worst thing is that I wasn't going to see Josh before he left. When I got to see him in January, I didn't think it would be the last time I saw him for a year. Until, I got an email for a flight conformation. I called Josh immediately, and all he said was "Go home, pack your bags, and drive to Salt Lake. Your flight leaves at 6 am tomorrow morning". So that's exactly what I did. I got to the airport the next morning, got on my flight, and landed in Atlanta. I got lost in the airport that I have been in MANY times, but I finally found Josh. Which, he didn't really help much getting us out of there either, considering we got lost for 30 more minutes. Josh and I went and explored the city and just spent quality time together. The next morning Josh and I were both on flights. Josh to South Korea. Me heading home. That was the HARDEST goodbye ever. That was the last time I saw my sweet husband. I still don't know when I will see him next.. but the FaceTime calls help. Anyone who does long distance knows that, there is never enough time. No measure of time will ever be enough. I knew that I found my true love, when I caught myself falling in love over and over again, despite the miles separating us. 9 months & 14 days down. 9 months & 20 days to go!
I love you Joshua Ryan.
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If you do long distance, YOU CAN DO IT!! If you truly love them, you will push through! You will be strong, and you'll wait it out.
XOXO
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